Roller Coaster.

My emotional health has definitely been just that. I know part of it is the stress with Derek, our relationship, and then the strain from the kids. But, it seems as though a lot of things are setting me up for a potential breakdown and I am really over this. I don't know how or when the switch was flipped from happy me to "what the hell is going on" me.

Things with Derek were getting better. Friday night, we went out to dinner, visited Tom and the guys and watched some Entourage. We came home and hung out, fell asleep talking to each other. Things felt normal again. Life went back to how it's supposed to be. Sunday I worked a few hours, picked Nick up and cooked dinner. We all went outside and Derek helped Nick with his golf swing while Zoey and I blew bubbles..it was a great night. Until he told me I needed to find out what time I was going dress shopping because it didn't need to interfere with him playing golf. Ugh. That just ticked me off because is he serious? Is it really all about him? One of my best friends needs us to get our dresses ASAP because her wedding is in THREE months, I am going to be as flexible as a mom of two can be, even if I want to pull my hair out because of it! Luckily, she didn't want to go until 3 so he had plenty of time to go. I'm going to leave out yesterday's events because it's not something I'm comfortable with discussing in a public setting. It's bad but it's not.

The thing about Derek is that he knows when I am mad, and I was so beyond mad yesterday. I don't think I spoke a word to him for 2 hours. I locked myself in the bathroom, took a bath and read for over an hour. I went to bed with out so much as glancing in his direction to let him know I knew he was still there. What does he do? He comes to the bedroom and asks if he can have a hug, a kiss, anything. I barely acknowledge him and he leaves. He just keeps trying, he always tries. He told me once, when I was mad and buried myself in our bed, and I asked "Why do you always stick through it, even when you think I'm being horrible to you?" and his response was "Your my baby, I could never leave your side, no matter how mad you make me."
That's the only thing getting me through anything going on with us right now. While I want the world to stop right now and let me get my head straight, life goes on and I have to continue with the motions.

Dress shopping was a good time minus that I will never use Bridal Palace for anything, ever. I was an hour late because the highway was shut down about half way there. The dress selection wasn't all that great. I found one I liked, but didn't love. Steph helped me pick out more and found herself another one to try on and I took the one she had previously picked out. I loved it! And lucky me, she loved the one she had just found! This is the one I will be ordering:

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