One thing I don't like about Vox is that a reader has to be a member to leave a comment. Since I have a few friends at LJ that don't like Vox, I decided to make a change.
I don't want to pay for a website, a blog. I decided to sign up over at BlogSpot. I will continue to use my Vox for my private entries and rants, and I will continue to keep up with you guys! I'll just be posting more over there.
Another mom blog out there in a sea of mom blogs. I don't strive to be like Becca, Amanda, Dooce. I do just hope I can find some who relate to this insane world of parenting. I got the name, gone parenting, from glancing up and seeing Derek's "Gone Golfing" sign. Works for me. Instead of going insane, I've gone parenting. Same thing, just more rewards ;)
Thank you guys :)
Nick and I have decided to start a little ritual..Movie Night, one night a week. I hardly get as much time alone with him as I used to, especially since Zo is stuck to me like glue. We had our first official Movie Night tonight and he didn't even make it one hour into Bee Movie. He did make it through two bowls of popcorn though. This kid can put away popcorn.
He has this big thing about presents and surprises. He..expects them. I tend to buy my kids way too many toys/clothes/crap since I am knee deep in kid stuff 4-5 times a week. But when he really goes above and beyond, I get him a "surprise" or take him on a "surprise". One time, we went to the zoo, another time we went to his favorite park. I bought him this golf set two weekends ago for being so amazing and grown up at the Family Reunion (oh holy crap, he memorized about 20 strangers names in the first day..)
I saw it at Target and had to get it. It's by Fisher-Price but it really does help him with driving the ball. Just from the times he has worked with Derek on how to grip the club, to take it "nice and easy", and how to treat his club set, he has improved quite a bit! He gets no greater joy than helping Derek clean his irons!
My favorite moment so far in his love of golf? In the middle of the backyard, at my parents, he is putting around, misses the hole three different times, face getting redder each time, when finally he throws his club down. He hikes up his shorts, hunches over the ball and as loudly as any three year old could manage, he yells "GET IN THE HOLE!!!!" He tries again and makes it..and carries on like nothing ever happened. While all 30 of us are dying laughing!!
His birthday is in 2 months (four years old..holy sh..) and this kid is getting his dream present. A set of irons, just his size and to finally go out with his Papa and Buddy (Derek) to the driving range :) It's going to make this kid's year!
I forgot how happy concerts and live music make me. Especially small, intimate concerts. We went to Downtown last night to see Corey Smith. It was a great night, and a great performance. I honestly don't think there were more than a hundred people in the bar, but like he says "It's a small crowd, but a loud one". I don't think he's well known but he's the number one unsigned country artist at the moment and his music is awesome! His most popular song is probably, sad to say, "Fuck the PoPo" but it's hilarious :) My favorite song is "Skin Of My Teeth" which he did not play, but he made up for that. That song describes my feelings about religion and my personal standpoint perfectly. I really had hoped he'd play it.
Derek and I left the kids with his mom and went out to McNellie's for Pint Night and sweet potato fries..yum! I love those! We then walked the two blocks back to the bar he was playing at (Home of David Cook and the David Cook clones, I swear..) We met up with Bpaul and the three of us sat down with PBR and waited for Corey to perform. Bpaul and I always have a great time at concerts. The Goo Goo Dolls concert was by far the best, but we had a blast at this one.
I love when musicians sounds as good live as they do recorded, or better. He was definitely better. If he comes out your way. definitely check him out.
Life around here is not quite on track, but I guess this happens sometimes. I feel like I lost control of everything awhile back and I won't be able to get it back the way it's supposed to be. I'm trying my best, I really am. I just feel so hazy and lost 90% of the time.
The kids are good, Nick did have an accident in his pants last week. I have no idea why it happened, but it was out of nowhere and it hasn't happened again; He wasn't even two feet from the bathroom!
Zo is slowly starting to let go a little. She's still stuck to me like glue, but she gets over her diva tendencies quicker than in the past. She stood, unsupported, for about 10 seconds yesterday :) She's getting so big, so fast.
I am so tired after last night (not getting in bed until well after 1!) so I should probably stop typing and watching The Insider like some lonely housewife....
The past 18 hours have been my very own. No kids, very little Derek and a place all to myself. It's been amazing!*
I went shopping - with no rushing. No three year old going "I need a toy!" or a baby getting tired of going from place to place. I lounged, I cleaned with out having to chase a 7 month old around the place. Or with out a 7 month old chasing me around the place.
But the shopping was great. I spent 2 hours walking along the strip..the weather was amazing. Old Navy was by far my favorite because I love their clearance..I found a soft pink tee, black pleated skirt and a pair of undies (ON undies are my favorite) and flip flops (for Derek) for about $15! I love ON, for all of us. I can buy us all new clothes in one spot. But I knew I was ready to leave when this sweaty weird guy kept asking me for opinions on clothes and ended up trailing me in the store. And I went to TJ Maxx, a place I used to bypass because I find it annoying to have to dig for cute clothes. I bought Derek some stuff and then decided I would check out the shoes in case they had cute sandals. Right there, on the clearance rack, in size 8.5, were Nine West peep toe pumps..$10. Not only did they fit like a dream, but they are the exact shoes I need to go with my aubergine bridesmaid dress for Tal's wedding!
My loot from the past three shopping trips:
Black and White tote from ON (my every day bag), then from left to right: fun print skirt from Rue, cute hair band on top of it from Rue, plaid sleeveless shirt that is so light and comfy from Rue, sleeveless beige shirt from Rue. Bottom left to right: soft pink cotton tee from ON, three sets of earrings..Maurice's and Rue, brown peep-toe flats from Payless, my amazing peep-toe Nine West pumps from TJ, and burnt orange sleeveless dress from ON. I'm missing my cute blue s/s top from Rue..it's in the wash.
The OSU golf set in the background was Derek's Father's Day gift from the kids.
I am satisfied, materialistically, for the time being :)
It's 1:15 and I am still in yesterday's make-up, hair in a messy bun, and in my pajamas. Is this what life was like before kids? Wow, I miss it. But I miss my kids more.
Here are some pictures of recent things.
*Don't get me wrong, I love my family with everything I have, and then some.
Sorry I haven't been around. I don't know the last time I even logged in to Vox! I've been busy..busy with the kids and Nick's attitude this past week, busy with Derek's emotional roller coaster of a job and family, busy with everything. Thankfully, I have the entire place to myself tonight. Nick's at his dad's, Derek is at work and Zoey is staying with my mom. So I am sitting here in my underwear and tank top, enjoying the peace and quiet :)
But really, I'm about to throw on a skirt and hit the road. Time to get father's day gifts..
Work is on my nerves. I guess I'm tired of being the go-to girl for all things that break. I have tomorrow and Monday off, I'll be fine come Tuesday.
Jamee is PREGNANT. Hi, I am ecstatic! I about dropped the phone when she told me! Derek knew before I did, but chose to keep his mouth shut for fear Jam would kill him :) He is so funny..he walked through the door Thursday and said "I was thinking about Jamee being pregnant.." and I am like he does not want another baby, seriously? But he goes "SHE IS GOING TO EXPLODE!!!!!" She's very petite, but she's going to look adorable :) So I am very happy that I will be an Aunt in February 2009 :)
Derek and I are doing great, it's just hard lately. Work, school, everything. We might be going on a vacay here in the next month or so. San Diego or Florida, we haven't decided. It's not a done deal but we're hoping all the details pull through!
I did some retail therapy yesterday and I love Rue 21. People give negative feedback on it but I love it. I can go in, drop less than a $100 on four shirts, one skirt, and an accessory. The clothes are a cheaper quality but I am a part time working mom of two. I don't have mountains of cash lying around so I can stay well-dressed. And Derek doesn't understand my need for clothes (kind of like I don't understand his need for ALL THINGS CALLAWAY!)
I wore this new blue top to work today and everyone thought it looked great with my new dark hair :) Oh yeah, I'm brunette again! I dyed my hair myself the night before last. I was sick of being two-toned and Tal is just too busy to get me in on my time. It's this color:
That's an old picture. My hair is longer, but the same color.
Anyway, I also went to Payless and bought work shoes (anything that has a strap around the heel) and I never go there..they DO have cute shoes! And I did hit Maurice's because they have great earrings, BOGO 1/2 off. I am about to hit the other end of the shopping strip tonight.
This place looks like a tornado hit it, but it was just my two kiddos. I should probably do something about that..
I am exhausted after the weekend we've had! My grandma's side of the family all came to Oklahoma for a family reunion. Each year, the location varies so everyone has a chance to travel. I had not been since it was at my parents house in 2002, the year I graduated high school. It was in a nearby city in 2006 but Derek & I were in Oklahoma City that weekend, having just begun our relationship.
It was a blast, we had such a good time! Nick was an angel who immediately attached himself to my grandma's sisters. Zoey was clingy but she loves being fussed over. Some of the relatives I hadn't seen since before I had Nicholas, and it was so weird not only how they've changed but hearing how I've changed. Too bad there are so many people that when a guy was telling me a story about when I was a kid, I had to go "Are we..related? Because I don't think I remember you." I felt bad but it had to be asked! He was married to my mom's cousin, then divorced for a long time and are now back together. That's probably why I was confused.
The reunion ended tonight, and I hated to leave but we had plans with Derek's family (Derek is working..of course). I am really crossing my fingers that the kids sleep in! I thought they would this morning but Nick woke Zo and me up at 6 AM! I was able to get them both back to sleep by 7, but at 740, the family calls to see if we want to go to IHOP. I think about it, and finally get up and we go at 8:30. Zoey had her first pancake and LOVED it! She's had all kinds of new foods (as in, not baby food) this weekend..green beans, bread, bread with garlic cheese spread, brownie, pancakes, hashbrowns. All in small pieces and quantities! She is getting so big, so fast but she still clings to me like velcro. It's exhausting but part of me relishes it because Nick is starting to push me away further the more I try to hold on.
For the longest time, I would say "Don't you love your baby sister?" and he'd shake his head and say no. The other morning, I was holding her in my lap when he walked in and said "Alright, I love baby sister!" Just like he will finally admit it..it's not that bad loving a sister. I write them each little letters when I feel so overwhelmed by my love for them, I might burst. I made sure to write this in a letter to him, and I know one day they will fight and hate each other. This will hopefully remind each of them what they have in each other.
Aside from the reunion, things are up and down. Friday night we went to get Zo from D's parents and as we're pulling up I see flashing lights. I shrug it off and knock the idea out that it's their house. We get closer and I am about half way out the truck door before Derek has even put the truck in park. I am coming up the lawn and see blood, everywhere. I rush in the house and there's Zo with his mom. I didn't even think but seeing that she was ok, I just yelled "I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS SHIT!" (meaning the drama over there). Apparently some guy D's brother works for is an idiotic crackhead and thinks money was stolen from him. He went to D's parents, confronted his dad (who had no clue what was going on) and punched his dad in the face! D's brother saw it and long story short, the guy ended up with literally a broken face.
I'm too tired to even get into anything else..:)
I have a ton of pictures to upload but here are a few!
I think sometimes I just forget to breathe and life passes by me too quickly. Then, I'm disappointed with how uninvolved and overwhelmed I am by it. Now I'm breathing and life is easier.
Derek and I are on the mend. Not surprising since I knew it would come..these things work themselves out. His work is the evil root of it all, and he's going to talk to them about his horrible 80 hour work weeks. Sure, we LOVE the money but we'd rather cut back on our spending money if it improves our attitudes around here.
I think my job was stressing me out as well. I don't know my job could possibly stress me out..it's easy. I'm a buyer, I evaluate what a seller has to offer, I make an offer, they either decline or accept. I've had one seller decline since I've started. I've had one raise in the not quite three months I've been there. I think it's more the unofficial roles I have up there..unofficial manager, unofficial trainer. And maybe that's in my head, but it feels an awful lot like when I was a retail manager before. I think my boss recognizes that and relies on me for certain things. I'm ok with it now. I have this ridiculous need to keep my boss happy. She's such a good person, a laid back boss who isn't afraid to let me know on my goofs but definitely lets me know what I'm worth. How many people can say they are truly happy with their job? I am sooo happy at mine!
The kids are doing great! We went swimming yesterday at Derek's parents, Nick's first time this summer, Zoey's first time, ever. She did good for a first-timer. We sat on the steps and I'd dip her legs in, wait until she got annoyed, then let her chill on my lap. I did this for about 10 minutes, then I just stuck her in up to her tummy. The look on her face said she will so put me in the worst nursing home she can find in 40-50 years. But she got used to it quickly, I put her in her turtle floaty and we floated around the pool. She lasted longer than I expected..about 30 minutes. I put her down for a nap, grabbed the monitor and went back out. My sister was with us so we did some dives, swam around in the water for another hour. I got so burned and was SO exhausted last night! I used to swim all day, every day in the summer. I was beyond tan and tone by the time it ended, I lived for the sun and water. If we were swimming at the pool or in our own backyard, we were at the lake. I forgot how happy the summer time makes me, and I am going to keep remembering all summer long..minus sunburns. I forgot how bad it could get..
I had more but Nick had his first night terror in a month and those wear me out..Good night!
My emotional health has definitely been just that. I know part of it is the stress with Derek, our relationship, and then the strain from the kids. But, it seems as though a lot of things are setting me up for a potential breakdown and I am really over this. I don't know how or when the switch was flipped from happy me to "what the hell is going on" me.
Things with Derek were getting better. Friday night, we went out to dinner, visited Tom and the guys and watched some Entourage. We came home and hung out, fell asleep talking to each other. Things felt normal again. Life went back to how it's supposed to be. Sunday I worked a few hours, picked Nick up and cooked dinner. We all went outside and Derek helped Nick with his golf swing while Zoey and I blew bubbles..it was a great night. Until he told me I needed to find out what time I was going dress shopping because it didn't need to interfere with him playing golf. Ugh. That just ticked me off because is he serious? Is it really all about him? One of my best friends needs us to get our dresses ASAP because her wedding is in THREE months, I am going to be as flexible as a mom of two can be, even if I want to pull my hair out because of it! Luckily, she didn't want to go until 3 so he had plenty of time to go. I'm going to leave out yesterday's events because it's not something I'm comfortable with discussing in a public setting. It's bad but it's not.
The thing about Derek is that he knows when I am mad, and I was so beyond mad yesterday. I don't think I spoke a word to him for 2 hours. I locked myself in the bathroom, took a bath and read for over an hour. I went to bed with out so much as glancing in his direction to let him know I knew he was still there. What does he do? He comes to the bedroom and asks if he can have a hug, a kiss, anything. I barely acknowledge him and he leaves. He just keeps trying, he always tries. He told me once, when I was mad and buried myself in our bed, and I asked "Why do you always stick through it, even when you think I'm being horrible to you?" and his response was "Your my baby, I could never leave your side, no matter how mad you make me."
That's the only thing getting me through anything going on with us right now. While I want the world to stop right now and let me get my head straight, life goes on and I have to continue with the motions.
Dress shopping was a good time minus that I will never use Bridal Palace for anything, ever. I was an hour late because the highway was shut down about half way there. The dress selection wasn't all that great. I found one I liked, but didn't love. Steph helped me pick out more and found herself another one to try on and I took the one she had previously picked out. I loved it! And lucky me, she loved the one she had just found! This is the one I will be ordering:
I'm going to go pick up my sister, take the kids swimming if it's warm enough for Zo. If not, we'll go to the sprinkler park and chill. I need some sun, I'm getting a little fair skinned :)
- Overwhelmed
- Neglected
- Lonely
- Forgotten
- Unloved
- Doormat
- Numb
- Unappreciated
That describes how I feel lately. Funny how quick things can turn just since my last post. I really hope this is just another hard time to get through, but my heart has never felt this heavy and burdened. Time will tell?
Retail therapy is my way to ease any kind of pain, and lucky Zoey is the one who gets all the new things. She's better dressed than I am..
Two years ago, on this day and very close to this exact time, Derek and I had just finished up our usual date night at the Riverwalk: Chips, queso and Miller Lite @ Los Cabos, a walk along the Arkansas River, and a movie, The Da Vinci Code. We were on our way home from Jenks, he was playing Hurt's "Danse Russe" and I remember the way the song, the warm summer air and just being with him made me feel. That night, 2 years ago, we became official.
And I still get that feeling when it's just the two of us, in the same truck, listening to Hurt. Danse Russe was a big part in my falling in love with him. He uses music as a way of expressing himself. He used that song to express how I made him feel. I hear that song and I get that exact same giddy, happy feeling in my stomach all over again.
That song has since been replaced as the ultimate song to remind me of him and put a smile on my face when we're apart. Not too long ago, we were lounging around after the kids had gone to bed and listening to various music DVD's..he put in Blue October which can be depressing and annoying, but he made me stop before I replaced it. He said this song always made me think of him, but a lot of Blue October songs did so I figured I knew which one. It was one I had never heard before and I am still addicted to this song. And it's my song to him as well. If ever a song was meant to be for us, this is it.
I can't believe the scrawny, curly headed boy I thought was an asshole in high school, the boy I would tell to turn around if he even tried to say something to me..is the love of my life. I'll never forget when I saw him for the first time years later, but I we became best friends first. I'll always remember when we crossed the line from friends to more and we both knew we made the right choice.
When we were friends, we both stayed at Tony's house after a night of partying. I was cold and curled up next to him and we both fell asleep, but he slept on the floor while I slept on the couch. He slept right next to the couch, and we somehow held hands the entire night.
I used to tell everyone that the girl who ended up with Derek would be one lucky girl.
A baby girl, plenty of good times with a few bad, an engagement, and 2 year later..I'm the lucky girl :)
And you give me a quiet mind and I...
I love you
You give me a quiet mind and I...
I love you
Until the end
